


a pathological avoidance thing

by yanak324



Series: today, tomorrow, and all the in-betweens [1]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Josh POV, Romance, a character study almost, and a slight bit of angst, because she rocks, more of an extended episode tag, spoilers for Season 7 Episode 17 and onward, where I attempt to explain Josh's behavior, with a side of a whole lot of Donna Moss appreciation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:46:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27582244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yanak324/pseuds/yanak324
Summary: Josh isn’t sure what to make of the lack of surprise on the President-elect’s face when he explains why he’s taking time off.He has bigger fish to fry though.
Relationships: Josh Lyman/Donna Moss
Series: today, tomorrow, and all the in-betweens [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2055291
Comments: 25
Kudos: 196





	a pathological avoidance thing

**Author's Note:**

> To say I'm late to the party would be the understatement of a century. After binge watching TWW during quarantine, I can't get these idiots out of my head. 
> 
> I don't own anything, including the title - which if you know, you know. Please enjoy xoxo.

Josh can barely wait for the elevator doors to close before pulling Donna into a kiss.

There are two reasons for that.

One, this is Donna and in such close proximity, with no one around, Josh can’t _not_ kiss her.

And two, if he looks at her any longer, he might blurt out that he loves her and blow the whole thing straight to hell.

He really doesn’t want to do that so he occupies his mouth, letting her warm lips and scotch laced tongue pull him under.

Later, when Donna shimmies out of her lace panties and tells him exactly where she wants him to touch her, Josh decides that following her into the elevator is the smartest decision he’s made all day.

xxx

It’s awkward afterwards. But then again how could it not be?

This isn’t Amy, who treated sex like she treated everything else in their relationship - a competition.

This isn’t Mandy, whose idea of foreplay was a shouting match.

This is Donna.

Donna, who spent 7 years of her life distinctly intertwined with his; who knew exactly what he needed before Josh could even materialize it into thought.

Once he realizes that this very much extends to this part of their relationship as well, it’s hard not to get lost in all of it.

Hard not to get lost in how she moves, how she smells, how her skin feels against his, generating heat Josh has forgotten existed.

He feels so satiated after, so rested, he’s wholly unprepared for how his mind starts screaming at him – borderline panicking – at how seamless all this is.

How Donna draped over him gloriously naked and gloriously flushed doesn’t feel weird at all.

It feels almost normal.

In an effort to offset the voices yelling _too much,_ _too much_ (not enough), he doesn’t stop her from rolling away from him to the other side of the bed.

And because he has an election to run, and an entire political party – not to mention the rest of the country – watching his every move, Josh also doesn’t stop her when she evades by offering to get them coffee.

He tells himself he doesn’t have the time to think about what all this means - and following Donna’s lead feels the most natural to him.

He’s done it for years, after all. 

xxx

It all changes with a hug. Not his behavior per se, but definitely how he feels.

Josh has read about people experiencing a moment of clarity but he’s never truly understood it until now.

Until CNN calls the election for Santos – for _them,_ and his first instinct is to pull Donna into his arms and never let go.

Josh does exactly that, holding on tightly even when everyone else moves onto popping champagne bottles and jumping on sofas.

He clings to her the same way later on too, when she settles into his lap naked, looking every bit the luxury he can’t afford.

And he knows it’ll only complicate things between them but he can’t stop himself from tucking damp strands of hair behind Donna’s ear and telling her what’s been on his mind since they won. 

“There’s no one else I’d rather be with today.”

She doesn’t look surprised and she doesn’t blush. Instead, her cornflower blue gaze is shrewd – like she already knows.

Then, she tilts his chin up and kisses him, tongue sweeping along his bottom lip like she’s staking a claim.

He doesn’t know how to tell her that he’s been hers all along. 

xxx

It’s only later when Amy tries to set him up that Josh has to pause and actually contend with himself.

What does it say about him that the ex-girlfriend who used to make it a sport of reading him like a book has no fucking idea that he’s spoken for.

It makes him sick, makes his chest grow tight, especially as Donna tries to mask her obvious hurt and discomfort by bestowing platitudes on a faceless woman Josh has absolutely no interest in.

So he goes out on a limb the only way he knows how – fumbling through asking her to spend the night with him. Donna’s soft rejection is a sharp reminder of just how terrible he is with women. 

And when she proceeds to call him out on being more freaked out about all this than she is, Josh doesn’t fight her.

Because it’s true, he is, and maybe he has a right to be.

He’s barely taking care of himself and Donna deserves so much more than that. More than the high strung, paranoid mess of a man he’s become over the course of this campaign. 

Later, alone on his couch, Josh can’t help but wonder if maybe it was the fear of not being good enough and not anything else that kept him from making a move all these years. 

He falls asleep clutching his Blackberry, thumb poised over the speed dial button he hadn’t bothered to reprogram after all this time.

xxx

California was exhausting, and Donna is like a breath of fresh air, lifting the layer of dust in his apartment as she walks through the threshold and grabs him by the neck.

Her kiss is a shot of adrenaline, and Josh wants more. He doesn’t bother undressing her, just pushes her skirt up over her hips and lets her breathy moans guide him to where he needs to be.

“How was the trip really?” She asks after, long limbs twined through his like she’s an extension of his body.

“We’ll see in a few days, I guess.”

Josh tries not to sound so resigned; tries not to feel weighed down by the possibility of doing this not only without Leo but also without Sam.

“Don’t worry, he’ll show up.” Donna tells him confidently, as if reading his mind.

He looks down at the top of her head, then to the elegant fingers caressing his stomach. He grabs onto them without a lick of hesitation.

“You seem so certain.”

Donna laughs quietly, bringing his hand up to her lips and making his pulse accelerate tenfold.

“It’s hard to say no to you, Josh.”

He knows she’s teasing him and he doesn’t want to spoil the mood, so he doesn’t call her out on it – doesn’t say, _“you did, you walked away from me.”_

It keeps him up anyway, and it’s no surprise that Donna finds him at the kitchen table the next morning, surrounded by paperwork.

Her resolve as she sits next to him and delivers an ultimatum _is_ a surprise.

Four weeks. Four weeks she gives him to figure out what he wants from their relationship.

Josh almost wants to laugh. Not just because she’s right about him, so absolutely right that he’ll never truly stop moving long enough to give this any real thought.

But also because she’s wrong.

Nothing will change when her deadline passes.

He already knows what he wants from her – has known for quite some time.

He’s just never thought he’d be in a position where he could actually have it.

And now that he is, he’s not sure what to do with it.

That part scares him into silence; scares him into letting her walk casually out of his apartment, like she didn’t just rip the rug from right under him.

xxx

It’s not the ultimatum that does it. But her firmly telling him that she’ll never work for him again.

It tips the scales just enough for the nervous jitters to set in and convince Josh that he’s not cut out for this.

He gives her some lame explanation about needing more time – the opposite of everything he actually thinks – and walks away before she has a chance to reason with him.

He’s excellent at that – the avoidance, the excuse making, everything Donna has always seen right through and chosen to ignore.

The realization that this time his fucked up coping mechanisms might actually cost him the most important person in his life pushes Josh further into that void; into the place where he feels exposed like a nerve – the smallest nick capable of being terminal.

Of course, it happens in the office.

Of course, everyone overhears.

And of course, it’s Sam who stages a one-man intervention. 

If it were coming from anyone else, Josh fears he wouldn’t pause long enough for them to even start.

But Sam – with his calm tone and eyes that are the wrong shade of blue but still see right through him – makes Josh stop and listen.

He spends the rest of the day in his office with the blinds shut and the door locked. He’s certain everyone assumes he’s in there stewing but that’s actually the last thing on his mind.

For the first time in weeks, Josh feels like he can think clearly. What Sam suggested – or rather demanded – is nice and all but it doesn’t get to the root of the problem, doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of all the fucked up things circling through his head on a daily basis.

He’s been here before, can recognize the warning signs. He knows that the way out is to face what’s really bothering him; rip off the Band-Aid, jump off the cliff, run a few red lights and see what happens on the other side.

And there’s only one person who he wants with him when that happens.

xxx

Josh isn’t sure what to make of the lack of surprise on the President-elect’s face when he explains why he’s taking time off.

He has bigger fish to fry though.

It’s well into the night by the time he actually leaves the office. 

He has no idea what he’s going to say when he sees her, but it doesn’t stop him from grabbing a cab and spitting out CJ’s address.

The Secret Service Agent barely blinks as a very sleepy Donna opens the door and Josh blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

“I don’t need four weeks.”

Confusion flashes briefly across her face followed by recognition and she grabs him by the collar, dragging him inside.

She’s wearing purple pajamas with little gray elephants stitched onto them and yet she still exudes every bit of authority that Josh has come to know and love.

“I heard what happened today,” she says with a frown, looking him up and down.

“You are an idiot.” 

“I know,” he’s quick to agree, wavering on taking a step towards her, “but Donna, I-“

“But you’re my idiot,” she finishes for him, coming right into his space.

And that’s not what he was going to say at all, but that ceases to matter when Donna throws her arms around his shoulders and pulls him into a hug.

He knows they have a lot to talk about – there are things that need to be said on both sides.

For right now though, for this one perfect moment, he lets them be without words, allows himself to give in wholeheartedly.

Because for once, there’s nothing holding him back.

xxx

They talk later – curled up together in the guest bedroom – and Josh doesn’t stop touching her the entire time; can’t really fathom being separated from her now that everything is out in the open. 

“I’m glad you waited for me.” 

Neither of them has said anything in quite some time but Donna doesn’t miss a beat. 

“It was only two days –“

“No, I meant all the time, you know, before this. I didn’t make any of this easy on you.”

Josh turns her around to face him, because this is important. 

But Donna surprises him as always – greeting him with a quirk of an eyebrow and a smirk. 

It almost looks like she’s about to tell him she didn’t exactly sit around and wait for him but then her face dissolves into something entirely different, something that makes his breath hitch.

“You’re worth the wait, Joshua.” 

Her hand curves perfectly around his cheek, and Josh swears his heart stops beating for a second. 

Knowing nothing can really top that, he kisses her long and hard, and then moves down the length of her body to do it all over again.

The next morning, the scrape of a key wakes him up. Donna stirs besides him, muttering something about how early it is. Seeing her face, backlit by the light peeking in through the curtains reminds Josh of everything he _hadn’t_ told her last night. 

“Sam said yes to the job,” he drags his finger down her arm, watching her pale pink lips stretch into a smile as her eyes flutter open. 

“As long as I take a vacation; so what do you say, Donna? Will you go away with me?”

She doesn’t reply right away, but when she does, Josh is distinctly reminded why he’s so head over heels for her.

“It better be somewhere good, Joshua.”

“How does Hawaii sound?” 

It couldn’t be anywhere else, not if she’s coming with him. It’s obvious Donna knows it too by how brilliantly she smiles at him as she mutters “perfect” against his lips.

He wants to stay just like this as long as humanly possible but the sound of CJ moving through the apartment prompts Josh to pull away and get up. 

“Where are you going?” 

It’s the first time Donna sounds actually confused and he revels in it, grinning widely as he throws his boxers on. 

“You think I’m going to miss out on catching C.J. doing the walk of shame? Please. This is a golden opportunity, Donnatella.”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“You love it.” 

“Apparently so,” she says with a dramatic sigh but her eyes are as full of mirth as ever.

Josh drinks her in for just a moment before slipping out the door without another word.

He decides he wants to be much closer to her when he tells her he loves her for the first time.

xxx

He barely makes it through one night in Hawaii before telling her.

The sunset is beautiful, breathtaking even, but all Josh sees is Donna. Donna and her stunning eyes and shining hair and a smile that makes his heart spasm and his stomach drop all at once.

Donna, who doesn’t hesitate at all to lean in and whisper those same words right back into the hollow of his throat.

After that, Josh feels like he can breathe easier.

On the third day, they get drunk on Mai Tais and hammer out the logistics. Donna will give up her apartment and move in with him until they buy a bigger place.

They’ll sit down with Annabeth and figure out a spin for their story, one that can fend off the sharks just long enough for them to become old news.

He almost proposes the morning of their flight back – when Donna wordlessly hands him the shirt he couldn’t find for at least half an hour. 

The moment is ruined when she tells him he can stare at her on the way to the airport too.

He’s more successful some months later.

The situation in Kazakhstan is not letting up and he’s on the brink of a third all-nighter when Donna shows up with takeout and a six pack.

He blurts it out as she’s handing him a beer, and doesn’t take it back, promising her a diamond the size of her hand if she just says yes.

She does, firmly, easily, with that smile on her face that almost reads – _what took you so long?_

But because she’s Donna, she doesn’t say it, simply pulls him in by his tie for a kiss. 

Josh happily lets her lead. 

xxx


End file.
